5 Topics To Discuss Before Marriage

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The older I get the more I notice the many differences between people. The list is long concerning the points of contention between married couples. Where do I start? When picking a mate it's important to have pre-marriage counselling to get the dirty laundry out and discuss financial wants, needs and goals. With different goals come different choices concerning money.

These topics are in the air now because my oldest is getting serious about her boyfriend and things are progressing to marriage. I have brought up many of the things we are discussing today, to her.

1. Children. The first thing I told her to consider discussing was children. The conversation should be about whether to have kids and if so how many. Whether you prefer public or private school and how to pay for it. It's the most important thing to discuss because each junior you have will probably cost in the first 18 years at least $200,000. So discussing how many is of vital importance. With summer camps, day care and eventually college the costs could be enormous.

2. Family. The second thing that can wreck havoc on your relationship is family. There are many things to think about with family. Are there step children, are you ready to take on the emotional and financial responsibility's. The in-laws may be your responsibility when they are retired because they may not have prepared for their retirement. The in-laws can work their way into your marriage, can your spouse be capable of keeping boundaries up.

3. Retirement. Is your spouse a saver or a spender? Do they have what it takes to prepare for future events like college and retirement. If they are a spender how will this effect the family when you want to make a budget and be financially responsible.

4.The Car. This is a big sign of the financial responsibility. Does your future spouse like to show off with an expensive car. If your frugal and your mate is a free-spending person, you may find it exciting at first. It may be exciting at first but after the honeymoon is over you realize your stuck with an irresponsible person and it may crash the marriage.

5. The House. Are you looking to have a modest home or are you looking for a McMansion. You and your spouse should decide on what your goals are for the future. Will you put most of your income into housing or more into savings. Will you reveal to your future mate that you are a spender or a saver. Are you organized or a mess.

The point of this discussion is not to point fingers to who is right or wrong but reveal the dirty laundry for the other party to see. The idea is to not have any surprises after the wedding. I remember when I went through premarital counselling long ago. We had no discussion of money what so ever. We didn't know if we were financially compatible or not.

The goal here is to not breakup a relationship because we find any incompatibility. It's to have the couple be aware of it and work toward solutions of agreement before, rather than later.

Bad Habits: Kick That Car Lease Out.

When your on your way to straighten out your finances one of the hardest things to do is get of the car lease habit. Getting that new car every 3 years is quite tempting. You fool yourself by saying you deserve it. You remember when you had that old jalopy and how often it broke down. You need a reliable car and your going to pay for it. 

You know the right thing to do would be to purchase a good used car and pay for it in cash. You must prepare for this purchase by saving money. If you have $5000 dollars you can get a good used car. That lease car is costing you a payment of $500 a month, so save that much for 10 months and get yourself a car. Remember after the 10 months you'll have that $500 monthly payment to keep in your pocket. You can use it to save for a more expensive car or put it toward your emergency fund. 

You have to stop thinking the car purchase as a $500 payment. You believe, no problem, you can swing that. Think of it as what that will be in five years if you save it. We're talking $30,000 after 5 years. After another 5 years you will have $77,600 at 5% interest. I think I'd rather have the money. Most of us made our first car payment as teenagers. We got on that car loan merry-go-round and never got off. The best ways to lower your transportation costs is get that used car and drive it for many, many years. It's not easy to leave that new car smell. But if you want to have some money when your old, you have too.

Halloween Weekend Blog Roundup

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Welcome to my first Halloween Weekend Blog Roundup. Here's a list of some of the best articles on the web this week.

•  Avoiding Financial Disaster - New Work, No Debt from Canadian Finance Blog.
•  Eight Win-Win Tips For Boomerang Kids and Their Parents from Personal Finance By The Book.
• Are Your Values Money-Makers Or Money-Losers from Barbara Friedberg Personal Finance. Don' t forget to check out her new book "20 Minute Guide To Investing".
•  How To Read Your Investment Statement from Do Not Wait
•  Does It Matter Who Is The Main Provider Between Husband and Wife? from Squirrelers
•  Book Review: Economics In One Lesson from Invest It Wisely
• My Experience With Unemployment from The Biz Of Life
•  DINKS Choice: Dividend Mutual Funds From Dinks Finance

Here are some ways to save a little money.

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•  Last-Minute DIY Halloween Costumes from WiseBread
•  Energy Savings With LED Light Bulbs ( and a Giveaway!) from Bargaineering
•  How To Reduce The Expense Of Gasoline from Moneyning
•  How To Find A Low-Priced Plumber That Won't Rip You Off from Len Penzo

Enjoy and Happy Halloween.

Why Read Books?

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We read in school. Fiction and nonfiction. When I was in school we read all the time. We need to always be learning. Wealthy people read one non-fiction book every month. According to the book "The Millionaire Next Door" by Thomas Stanley. But, why read books now that your an adult. 
 
I had to seek out someone more knowledgeable than myself to see the academic or philosophical reason. I found a man named Harold Bloom. Harold Bloom is an 80 year old American writer and literary critic, currently Sterling Professor of the Humanities at Yale University. He's had a lifelong study and love for books. He's written and taught about literature his whole life. And just so happened to write a book called "How To Read And Why". So he was the perfect source to answer my question. 
 
I found in Bloom's book an in depth discussion, I am noting what I think our the most important items. 
 

Reading helps people form their own judgements and opinions

You read for your own self interest.

Reading is to prepare ourselves for change

We must read as the as Bible student searches for the truth.

We read not to refute, believe, or take for granted but to weigh and consider.

We read to let the book find us.

We read to strengthen self and learn your authentic interests.

We read not to improve our neighbor but ourselves.

We read for a mind greater than our own. 

 
There are many good reasons to read. His favorite author, Shakespeare, holds an abundance of examples of reasons to read. His reason to read books can be summarized with Shakespeare's works, "Shakespeare is waiting to speak to you." 
 
Bloom's book has given me something new to think about. But isn't that what he's trying to tell us. That reading opens new doors in our mind that we didn't know we had. Reading takes your point of view and let's you see things through a different lens. It's like when your traveling in a plane or pictures of the Earth from space. What a completely different point of view you have. What completely new thoughts enter your head. That's what reading can do for you. Now go read something. 

Do You Have Financial Etiquette?

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Many years ago when I was a young lad my parents would take me and my siblings out to dinner. When the check came I would ask how much the bill was. Dad proceeded to hand me the check and told me to pay. He explained to me how talking about money was not done when it wasn't your business. It was a lesson we were all taught that there was a privacy issue when talking about others finances. It's a facet of American culture that you don't ask what someone earns, their religious views or how they vote. 
 
What happens when someone crosses these cultural boundaries it throws you off and I don't know how to respond - usually I say the wrong thing. What I did was go to the source for expert advice on etiquette. I went to Mary Mitchell. She is an author of many books and president of The Mitchell Organization, she's made a career out of coaching people in relational situations. 
 
You probably can't get out of talking about money with a spouse or a parent who's participating in your finances, you can with a friend or acquaintance who crosses the line and asks you something better left private. Mitchell suggests saying " it's raining outside". This is the same tone of voice you should use when responding to someone who asks an inappropriate financial question. No emotion, no judgement. If someone gets aggressive, you can smile and say,"Why would you ask a question like that?" or "If you will forgive me for not answering that question, I will forgive you for asking it. " 

 
Here's a list of the top ten uncomfortable money situations: 
 
1. Your friends make more money than you, and they treat you like a charity case. 
 
2. Someone asks how much your spouse makes. 
 
3. A friend borrowed money from you and they haven't paid it back or even mentioned it. 
 
4. You go out with a group of people and order a salad and water, everyone else orders wine and lots of appetizers. At the end someone says let's split the check. 
 
5. Someone asks how much an item of clothing costs, like shoes or a purse. 
 
6. A good friend is having hard financial times. How do you approach them and offer to pay for them. 
 
7. You're with an old friend and their credit card gets declined. 
 
8. An acquaintance criticizes your spending habits. 

 
9. A friend or family member always thinks your going to pay for them. 
 
10. Someone asks how much debt you have. 
 
In all these situations it's always best to approach your answer with a calm tone and politeness. When your responding to the comment or situation is the the time when you, or both of you will feel awkward. Remember these people are not trying to be unkind. They are just overstepping in a social situation. Try to respond calmly and then change the subject. Saving embarrassment for both you and your friend. 

Are You Afraid Of Starting Your Own Business?

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Starting a new business can feel like jumping off a cliff. No amount of job skill, education, supporting friends or degrees can stop this fear. Fear is that doubt, that little voice in your head that questions every decision and goal. I don't know where it came from, but I know I've had it. 



 
Now let's get our hands dirty and tackle the most debilitating fears: 
 
I don't have the proper skills. This fear surfaces because when your first start your business, your on your own. You have to do a lot more than you ever did before. Now you have to promote, do the bookkeeping, network, and still do the work. Your unsure more than ever because it's all on your shoulder now. You have to realize you can't do it all, your going to have to get some help. 
 
Don't have the self confidence. This is a fear of the unknown. Once you have some successes this fear will go away. You have to keep plugging till your self confidence builds up. 
 
Don't have any ideas. You may not need them. Your business may just need you to find out what your customers need. You don't need to reinvent the wheel, just how to make it a little better. 
 
Don't have the money. Here, maybe you should be afraid. But you shouldn't because if you start small enough, bit by bit your customers will increase and you will grow. Don't borrow and bet the farm on your business. Take it slow and pay as you go. 
 
Can't Handle failure. Who can? Sure it's disappointing to not succeed, but you have to keep trying. When your idea fails there will always be another one to try. Failure is just helps you focus better, it steers you a little more accurately to the prize. 
 
Don't know the right process. Sometimes we can't know everything. Others have gone before you, you need to ask for help. I sought out people who have been doing what I have been doing way before I started to do it. Some business people who have retired are a wealth of knowledge and would be happy to talk to a new business owner and share their wisdom 
 
Don't have the time. If you want to have your own business your going to have to make the time. Having a business is not a 40 hour work week. It could be 12 hour days seven days a week. If you can't make that kind of commitment, stay at your job. 
 
Being out there alone. You don't have to let it be like that. You can reach out to like minded people. There are associations, clubs and places where you can find people in your business. You'll meet people that's on the same path as you are. You need to find these outlets so you don't feel isolated. 
 
Let's face it, to succeed you'll have to go through a lot. It's not going to be easy. Your going to have many failures and many successes. You'll have stresses and exhilaration's. It's part of life's journey. Like a roller coaster, you can only get hurt if you jump off. Enjoy the ride.