Monday, November 1, 2010

5 Topics To Discuss Before Marriage

A bride tossing her bouquet of flowers. Catego...Image via Wikipedia
The older I get the more I notice the many differences between people. The list is long concerning the points of contention between married couples. Where do I start? When picking a mate it's important to have pre-marriage counselling to get the dirty laundry out and discuss financial wants, needs and goals. With different goals come different choices concerning money.

These topics are in the air now because my oldest is getting serious about her boyfriend and things are progressing to marriage. I have brought up many of the things we are discussing today, to her.

1. Children. The first thing I told her to consider discussing was children. The conversation should be about whether to have kids and if so how many. Whether you prefer public or private school and how to pay for it. It's the most important thing to discuss because each junior you have will probably cost in the first 18 years at least $200,000. So discussing how many is of vital importance. With summer camps, day care and eventually college the costs could be enormous.

2. Family. The second thing that can wreck havoc on your relationship is family. There are many things to think about with family. Are there step children, are you ready to take on the emotional and financial responsibility's. The in-laws may be your responsibility when they are retired because they may not have prepared for their retirement. The in-laws can work their way into your marriage, can your spouse be capable of keeping boundaries up.

3. Retirement. Is your spouse a saver or a spender? Do they have what it takes to prepare for future events like college and retirement. If they are a spender how will this effect the family when you want to make a budget and be financially responsible.

4.The Car. This is a big sign of the financial responsibility. Does your future spouse like to show off with an expensive car. If your frugal and your mate is a free-spending person, you may find it exciting at first. It may be exciting at first but after the honeymoon is over you realize your stuck with an irresponsible person and it may crash the marriage.

5. The House. Are you looking to have a modest home or are you looking for a McMansion. You and your spouse should decide on what your goals are for the future. Will you put most of your income into housing or more into savings. Will you reveal to your future mate that you are a spender or a saver. Are you organized or a mess.

The point of this discussion is not to point fingers to who is right or wrong but reveal the dirty laundry for the other party to see. The idea is to not have any surprises after the wedding. I remember when I went through premarital counselling long ago. We had no discussion of money what so ever. We didn't know if we were financially compatible or not.

The goal here is to not breakup a relationship because we find any incompatibility. It's to have the couple be aware of it and work toward solutions of agreement before, rather than later.


  1. Great advice. All major items to consider that could ruin a marriage.

  2. Great post! I find couples spending habits and how they work together fascinating. Thanks for your incite! I recently stumbled upon this blog like I did yours and I thought your readers may appreciate it:

    I’ve started to look for their stuff more regularly and I think I’m going to add your blog to my list as well. Thanks for the post!


  3. As one of the largest life changes people can make, especially since it is completely voluntary, there are a lot of things that need to be considered beforehand. On, you can also find some good information regarding how marriage can impact financial determinations.


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