Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Financial Infidelity | 3 Steps to Help You Come Clean

Created by Phil Scoville on June 25, 2005 Down...Image via Wikipedia
When one spouse keeps secrets from the other the stress and tension can eat a marriage up. You know something is wrong, but can't put your finger on it. Communication is down and a marriage could hang in the balance.

The secrets don't have to be earth shattering like drug or drinking problems. But according to statistics almost one-third of Americans lie to their spouses about money. Whether it's secret bank accounts, mounting debt, or falling earnings, there’s something shameful that’s being hidden.

It's not uncommon that there's secret stashes, there’s debt, there are even addictions or mistresses. And we’re afraid and don’t want conflict, and so we rationalize that for the peace of the relationship, we should say nothing.

It may be easier to not come clean with your spouse in the short term because you may feel you can work it out on your own. In some instances, it will work out and you will have avoided a close shave. But usually it doesn't work out that way, the problem becomes overwhelming and blows up in your face. You will have destroyed mutual trust and surely destroyed the relationship forever.

Why not come clean now before the lies go critical and wipe out your family. Here are a few ways to start the conversation going.

Find the right time.

You should find the right time when things are quiet and you have time to discuss it. In a humble way you have to state the problem completely and ask for forgiveness. Then be ready for feelings of betrayal and hurt to show. Getting through those feelings will be hard, but you must be patient and let them work their way out. Showing regret and a repentant attitude will help.

Show your credit record.
Showing black and white evidence of the extent of your misbehavior will only help the healing process. Seeing your credit report shows your need to be honest. Doing this now will only head off future problems. Imagine if you were able to keep things a secret and you spouse found out later when you were applying for a loan and a stranger revealed this to them.

Focus on the positives.
Exposing a lie that's yours is an embarrassing gut wrenching experience. Sure it's hard for a while but think of the future benefits of being honest. Even the deceiver will feel a ton of pressure relieved when the lie comes out. When both of you are involved and on the same page with money your relationship will flourish.

Reader: Have you ever kept a financial secret from your spouse?

1 comment:

  1. Maybe couple should exchange credit scores before they exchange vows.


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